Author, ANJALON EDWARDS, LMSW
Announcements/Chronicles Side Notes
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July 11, 2008 |
Its A Grind coffeehouse 639 Michigan NE Grand Rapids, MI www.itsagrind.com |
| October 11, 2008 Book Signing |
2008 Author's Showcase |
| Chronicles Side Note: 7-13-08 |
COMMUNICATION: It is extremely important that you communicate with your spouse while dating or premarital counseling and for some Right Now- about discipline, visitation, finances, communication with the children's mother, etc. Your relationship will seem so strong until you stomp your foot on one of these issues and the drama of beginning a blended family will rear its ugly head. Don't be afraid to put your expectations on the table for discussion. It is better that you both are aware of where the other stands on these topics up front, than to be caught by surprise about them later. -AE |
| Chronicles Side Note: 7-30-08 |
Key points made from Reality Check: Stepmother Chronicles: 1. Keep your expectations realistic and communicate them 2. You can only change yourself, decide to respond differently 3. The couple's relationship is the foundation of the stepfamily... so yes, you have to make it priority 3. Choose your battles... wisely 4. You cannot force a good relationship with your stepchildren 5. Pray for strength and knowledge in all you do 6. Don't be afraid to ask for help or more support -AE |
| December 3, 2008 | "Reality Check: Stepparenting" speaking engagement at Grand Valley State University, Kirkhof Center Allendale, MI Brown Bag Lunch 12-1:00pm |
| Chronicles Side Note: 8-13-08 | "Why the focus on being a stepmom? What's so hard about it?" Questions I encounter from the innocent... allow me to lay out a list of dynamics for you to consider: 1. Dealing with Biomom drama or as I like to call it "baby mama drama" 2. Defensive or naive biodad's of their children 3. Discipline is extremely difficult to enforce- different rules from different households... 4. Lack of respect from the children who are acting out in anger or hurt and sometimes from the spouse 5. Visitation schedule may be complicated (and for some nonexistent) 6. Jealousy of how one child is treated to the next which spills into the children from the new union 7. Medaling family members who believe that the stepmom is always in the wrong 8. Lack of authority 9. Interference of the couple's foundational relationship by the stepchildren 10. Favoritism of the stepchildren versus the children of the new union by the husband or in-laws 11. Poor communication between all parties involved -AE |
| November 9, 2008 | REALTALK FM 107.5 Live interview! 8-10pm Hello Detroit, MI!!  |
| December 1, 2008 | Online Interview on Black Authors Network (BAN) with Ella Curry of EDC Creations! 8:30pm. Go to blogtalkradio.com |
| Chronicles Side Note: December 14, 2008 | Choose Your Battles Wisely! I honestly believe that we need to choose our battles wisely- with our spouses, with our children, with our job, and with others. Sometimes we get caught up in the power struggle or the need to demand respect or authority by not "giving" alittle when we want something. Sometimes a compromise is necessary. Especially when we have stepchildren who are split between 2 (or more) households and following 2 (or more) sets of rules. Just the other day, my own child- who likes to revert to being a toddler when it comes to doing something independently- would not get dressed when I told him to. Instead of yelling at him or punishing him right away I gave him the choice "Either you can do it by the time the timer goes off or mommy will do it for you". Well, all of the sudden, my little man could get dressed in record time! With stepchildren, the same theory can be applied. They are going to test you but if rules and consequences are set and agreed upon ahead of time between you and your spouse and you both and the children then everyone understands the rules and knows the consequences if they are broken. After the violation has occurred and consequences issued, as a stepparent you should communicate the issue with your spouse (who will hopefully back you up- I know for some this is another challenge). But if you two have agreed ahead of time, then a united front will prevail over any further manipulation or challenge of your authority as a parent figure. |
| August 29, 2009 | Book Clubs Unite Chicago, Illinois Institue of Technology 2-6pm |
| Chronicles side note: September 3, 2009 |
Stepchildren Behavior wow, it has taken me a long time to "go there" with this topic. But let's look at the behavior of our stepchildren. I have been fortunate enough not to have a "stepchild from hell". I have heard stories and seen it from afar. Its difficult to balance your authority as a parent and your nurturing of this fragile relationship. You know, because of loyalty to birthparents, that whatever you say to your stepchildren that is not in their favor, they will be strategically battling with you on it. Directly or indirectly, you will experience some rebellion (just as you may with your own kids). My take on this is as long as you are making your decision based on agreed upon rules and consequences and in the child's best interest- their welfare and safety- then you are doing the right thing. The key is to have the other parents involved on board. If you have the birthparent telling the child not to listen to you or your spouse is not backing up your decisions, then your fighting with your stepchild in vain. Its a losing battle (thus, choose your battles carefully)! Then you just have to stear clear of issuing the discipline (unless safety is an issue). Ofcourse, you deserve respect. But your spouse should be demanding that from your stepchildren. You and your spouse need to be on the same page if your two cents is going to get anywhere with your stepchildren. Also, kids know you love them when you have boundaries and rules that are Clear, Concise, and Consistent. You can't say its OK to eat in the living room today then tomorrow try to punish them about it. If you don't have your rules straight, then neither do they. "What about the Stepchildren who don't want to come over anymore?" This may be due to age- becoming a teenager time with parents is less desireable, a disagreement, loyalty to other birthparent, or other circumstances may drive a child's desire not to visit. Well, you can't make them come BUT you can welcome them and include them in on your plans. They may budge and realize they are missed and wanted at your house. Ofcourse, sometimes their absence can be more desireable for you if when they are visiting more conflict erupts. That's when I suggest, bring it to God in prayer. It feels good temporarily but that can build resentment from your spouse or the stepchildren in the future(i.e. "Seems like you want to do more when my kids don't come over", or "They do all the fun stuff when I'm not there".) If you know any stepparents who are not having as difficult time engaging with their stepchildren, ask them what they are doing. Surround yourself with positive advice, life is too short- enjoy your family~~ |
| February 9, 2010 | Interview with ArtistFirst at www.artistfirst.com, Join me!! |
| May 21-23, 2010 | Book Signing @ NATIONAL BLACK BOOK FESTIVAL, HOUSTON, TX (Downtown Crowne Plaza)  |
Upcoming Schedule of Events
| Date | Time | Event |
| 5/21/2010-5/23/2010 | 9am-4pm | National Black Book Festival, in Houston, TX |
Meeting other Authors, Carl Weber, Greg Allen Willams and Glenda Wallace
